Sprinkled Words

We only seem like we fit perfectly into this world.  We are actually like a picture in focus, but grainy. Nothing is perfectly clear, nothing seems right when you try to make any sense of it. The world may like it better than you do. But the truth is, nothing on the inside is fine. We don't have the man we love, we don't have our dream job, we cannot save up enough to travel abroad, we don't have time to go catch that movie, we don't have time to give ourselves a day off.  So here's the deal. Screw it. Let it be. You don't have to fit. May be it's better off this way. It gives us something to look forward to, make goals and who knows, this is better than what we actually thought was perfect?  Panic, cry, pity yourself, it's alright. These feelings will go. May be all of these pieces will fall in place. May be the time has not come yet.  May be get up from your dream, only to realise that this is better than the perfect life you had imagin

I had some time to kill at the airport the other morning, perks of having Netflix on my phone, I managed to watch at least a decent part of my favourite movie, ‘Julie Julia Project’. Based on a true story and the protagonist ‘Julia Child’, an amazing chef, I managed to see similarities between the movie and me. I oddly realised that’s exactly what my life looks like right now. For those of you who have watched the movie, no I don’t hate my job, and no I’m not married or have a significant other and i definitely do not have differences my mother.I still have meltdowns and still feel insufficient and feel like I let my loved ones down. As a 20 something girl, who has a full time job, I do study now too. It’s honestly not the easiest thing to do, and yes I get late for submissions, I miss out on making time for my friends, I don’t remember the last time I watched a movie in a theatre, and probably need to have stalk up on some extra T-shirts and underwear, because I sometimes f

So here's the truth, out loud and as brutal as it may seem, I get looks of pity and sympathy when I answer 'Yes' to the question, 'Are you single?' Is that really that bad? Does that mean I may die alone? Or is it just that I don't care enough to tell you what the real deal is. No one questions anything that happens post mid night, or just before the sun is out at morning. It's that time of the day when your body and mind are relaxing and you like it to stay that way. That's probably when my entire universe is awake. The drapes of my window flying with the cool breeze of the night, the sounds of the vehicles slowly start to lessen, and we start to get comfortable in our little world we have built for ourself. As you lay there in your shorts and a bunch of magazines and I am surrounded with a hot cup of coffee and a book, we settle in for the night. No questions to answer, no people to look at. No rules to follow, no reason to behave tame

Our conversations seemed longer than they were. We only seemed ok, while we were actually not. My flaws, you emphasised. My broken heart, your irony. My position in your life, exaggerated. My illness, your strength. Us, we vanished. I was your satire, Now you are my metaphor.

As a woman in our society, we have so many people to listen to. Social protocol, aunties,sometimes mother's, grandmothers, some third person. What happens to that voice in your head? Does it diminish? Here's the thing. May be don't rebel, because that doesn't work. You'll only have to hear more terrible things about yourself.  Instead, just walk away. Do what you want to anyway, just quietly. Who ever has to pick on it, will do it, anyway. We are told a lot of times to sit a certain way, to eat a certain way, dress appropriately, love a certain way and be tamed. May be this is not something out mothers ever wanted to do to us, but it just happened. The generation our mothers belong to one which are torn between the previous generation was very strict, and our generation, our grandmothers may call lose. I think our mothers are able to rationalise a little more than the previous. They may tend to support us a lot more than we may think, but they will also just

That rosy picture, it won't stay for too long. NO, you are not always going to be a chirpy mood. You're not always going to play along. People have got to make peace with that. It's time to be unapologetic. For how long will you do things just to fit in? just so that no body will give you a very hard time? Stop playing along. Stop putting up that nice face to people whom you actually don't care about. Stop talking to someone, if that's what you really want. Don't take crap from anyone, just because they are your superior or someone older. Any sort of sexual abuse, make a noise. Be unapologetic. Be honest. If they can't take it, that's not your problem anymore. If someone doesn't like your frizzy hair in the morning when you wake up, leave. If someone has the problem with how many people you talk to, walk away. If someone has a problem because you don't eat something they like, pick another restaurant and eat your favourite food.

For every girl who breaks her heart easily. Don't let the world make you feel little about yourself. There are going to be hundred's of people to point out what's wrong with you. Don't let the world condemn you for being too shy, too organised, too sensitive, too expressive. You're just someone who stands out in a crowd. You're just a girl with a heart bigger than you imagined. I hope you realise that you're better than the rest. Celebrate that about you. You don't ever need to make efforts to impress because you only realise now that you're not built on the same foundation. Rejoice in the fact that you are different and that have more empathy towards this world and because you know some where down the line humankind needs more people like you. Embrace the chaos in your mind and heart, you never know whom you may teach to love. Yes you are terrifying, empowering & difficult to love, because you are not for everyone.

It's harder than you think. Believe me.  Also when someone uses the word 'Anxiety', I don't think that they realise its a mental disorder and that over 40 million people in the world suffer from it everyday, some reported and some not. Some aware of what to call it and some who just think that something's wrong with them .  It's a very difficult state of mind to deal with.  Loving somebody with anxiety is not easy either.  Remember that while loving and being there for them, you cannot fix them. It's a state of mind. No body can change that. The minute you try to fix them, you're only making them feel worst. They will feel even more alienated from the world and the process of breathing will only get harder. They will feel broken. There's nothing you can do will magically change their mental state or will suddenly make everything be ok. So don't force them to believe they're ok. They are not.  Just stick by them, talk to them, so the

Hi, so I'm back with yet another subject to write about, after I had a lengthy discussion with a friend. Not getting into the psychological terms for this, so I'm going to call it 'The little baby inside me'. This is about the child that you tamed while growing up, and decided to be mature about it because everyone around you had already decided you were a grown up because you either reached college/ technically you hit puberty/ simply because you were old enough to make rational decisions and chose what subject you wanted to study further. Ever wondered what happened to that little baby? So here's what happened. (The story in my head) That baby sat in a tiny corner of the room, waiting for you to come address it and love it for a little bit, if not too much. All those things that seemed magical in your head, all the happiness and the time's you've just wanted to jump and scream because you were happy, you didn't. That's what a child would do

To be really honest, it's been forever now that I've woken up to mushy texts and sweet good morning messages. Yes, I do miss it. What I really miss is someone else reassuring me about the fact that I'm pretty or how they love my smile or that I should have a good day.  Do I really need someone to tell me all that now?  I know we all grew up with the urge to feel a sense of belonging with society. There's a time when suddenly everyone you know is either going to the gym, playing sports, or just simply colouring their hair red or green. So you wonder if you should try it too right? May be because someone said it may suit you and that you may just become more gorgeous. That thought just somehow comforts you even though you may really not be up for it.  So at this point, suddenly when everyone is going out on dates and having boyfriends, you decide you should probably at least have one good date a month right? I mean, it's ok. Good food, some movie, tons of ic

What happened to us? It was all so good. I found myself slowly missing that magic I could feel around you. We stopped texting as much. We stopped making efforts to go on those dates. We didn't hold hands in public anymore. We stopped staying in that hug for two whole minutes. Why love? I don't know what happened. It all started to feel painful . I started to feel lonely and isolated even when you were around . I couldn't feel that magic anymore. Where did it vanish? It's not like we ever let our work take over us or anything, our magic just vanished, and that thought saddens me. I'm sorry I had to let you go. It made me feel terrible that I used to be happier without around. I'm sorry it got so painful toward the end. I'm sorry because trying to make it work would only mean us trying to change who we were, and that would not be the person I fell in love with. I'm sorry I fell out of love. I'm sorry I chased my dream instead of you. I'm so

There's going to be a day, when it's a brand new start. Ever looked around and wondered how everyone else's life seems in place but yours? How they seem to have everything going for them but you? Also now look at who you're comparing yourself to. I bet everyone's older than you. So STOP. Remember people often say, everything will happen in it's own time? Turns out, that is true. I remember staying in bed on those days I couldn't wake but, honestly, didn't want to, because I knew If i woke up, I had to face the world, and I didn't have the strength to do so. I know how it feels when you realise you're very close to failure. It's harder to breath, you feel like there's a storm inside of you and you just cannot wait for it to end. You don't like getting out, because the normal world scares you. You always start looking for people or things as damaged as you, then it feels like you're not alone. In your head, thou

Ever wondered how to empathise with somebody who suffered / suffers mental illness? Well, here's just a tiny whiff into their live, just for a day may be, or even a couple of hours. I'm sure you've woken up at least a couple of nights in your entire life, because you had a nightmare? or because something was disturbing you and you just couldn't fall asleep? Ever read one of those scary novels or watched a chilling scene in a scary movie and it gave you the heebie jeebies? WELL THAT'S JUST OUR LIFE. It's not about not loving ourself. It doesn't look like we lie in bed all day and want to be isolated all the time. It's not like we don't like hanging out with out friends or that we are going to cry at every other second. Lastly, it's not like we hate the world, we don't. It's just difficult, that's all. Depression is not feeling sad. It's a mental disease. You read word correctly right? So let's split it up? 'DIS - E

Everyone asked me this one question, 'Sprinkledwords!' How and why did this happen. Well, here's my story, finally :) This journey begun a couple of years ago, where I started to feel weird about things in general. I always thought it was a phase and never really looked into it. Through my years in college, my love and curiosity towards psychology only grew. As I studied it for three years, it gave me better insights into how the human mind could possibly work, it for a fact gave me an ability to understand myself, and my condition better. As time passed, I only knew this wasn't a phase, my uncomfortableness and my pain started to become more prominent than I wanted it to be. I was scared I would lose my identity to this. Could I have a mental illness? Really me? Anxiety issues, naaaah.. I played sports for years. I like to socialise with people, this can't happen to me. But it did. I couldn't recognise myself anymore. It was all a blur. On the outside, I w

I bet a lot of you out here reading this are the people who like to have things a little organised for them in life. Just a basic blue print if not completely calculated and kept aside. from basics like what you should do by the time you're a certain age, that job, that thing you've always wanted to do but never got on your butt to do it. If you never got inspired enough to do it, you won't do it. As simple as cleaning your wardrobe. If you don't get inspired, you just don't god dammit. It's ok. You cannot possibly force yourself into doing something so that it fits within that plan in your head. There might be times you are so caught up, you don't even open your wardrobe, but just circulate the washed clothes from the past 10 days. IT'S OK!! Don't let that drive you mad. You should've ideally finished writing your thesis by now, you didn't. IT'S FINE! You cannot push yourself to do it when you have zero inspiration to do it. You

It was probably at the peak of my depression, when my sessions with my therapist had already began, but it was all so overwhelming that I wanted to slow down, but I couldn't. I was catching a flight to Hyderabad, which got delayed by two hours. This didn't just make me anxious because I didn't know why, but I also suddenly started feeling alone and scared. I was travelling alone. and this was not the first time. I had travelled alone a zillion times before, never felt this though. It was probably one of the most painful and the most intense anxiety attacks I had ever had. I couldn't breath. I had no medication until now for my anxiety. I couldn't call my mom/ bestfriend because I knew they'd panic. I sat there in a chair and managed to buy myself something to eat because I had no clue of what was happening to me. It didn't do squat to calm me down. I felt even worst because I couldn't swallow my food. So that made me panic more in fact. So I looked ar

What can I say? It's one of the world's most gorgeous places ever :D Secluded, cold, beautiful and yummy food. What more would one want.  Just a few photos :)

It all started when with books. Building stories in my head was my usual escape. Little did I know it would creep into my routine of daily life. I met him. It was new. It felt different. It felt like it could all be true, everything that I dreamt of. The sharing of interest in books, music, food, theatre?  That brush against my arm, that 'Happy' wind that blew my hair across my face. Everything. Little did I know that this would come to an end, like every other dream. Don't ever let this bring yo down. Life just probably had a way of telling you it's ok for a few dreams to break.  Don't let them break you. You may not always understand the pain, you never may have thought love could break your heart. It can, it will. It's over. Don't let the pain eat you up. Leave it behind. Go fall in love again, this time with yourself, so you'll know not to blame yourself the next time this happens. Believe me, you're better than you think you are. Don&#

We are all so engrossed in trying to reach those dreams we have in our head, we forget to stop, see and love ourselves. In this whole process, we are running and chasing things. We end up seeing what we love in others and not ourselves. We learn how to love, we don't learn what to love. It only gets easier by every passing day to appreciate things around us, but we forget to do so every time we look in the mirror. We only end up seeing that one scar, or one strand of grey hair that sticks out, when we don't realise that most of the times the world doesn't even notice it's there. Why are we always bring ourselves down constantly? Is it because we had a bad experience in the past? Or is it because what people would say now when they saw, and you know they'd react badly? Who cares? Is it your life to live or theirs? Forget what someone has to say or react. Stop concentrating on the things that may hit you and make you feel bad. There's probably more positive

Let's face it, we all know half the things in our lives don't go as we planned them. Either life has its own way of screwing it up for you, or there's that someone who makes it harder for you to believe that dreams do come true. There are times when you go to sleep, all determined that tomorrow is a new day and that you'll fight this, the struggle will eventually be over and you would have felt decently happy towards the end of the next day. Little did you know that the next day will be ever harder and that it'll make you feel worst than you even imagined. Have you ever felt like life was giving up on you? Did you ever see a child walking on the street, and wanted to walk up to him/ her and say 'Hey, life is not all these fairytales you grow up listening to. It's difficult. Do not believe in love easily. You will find a prince charming, he will break you heart, but it's not the end. You will find your dream job, your man and that gorgeous home you ar

So everyone knows the full for of OMG right, here's a new term I stumbled upon and totally can relate to. It's called JOMO - Joys of missing out. I recently realised that all of us at some point like this. JOMO makes sense in everyones life. We are so used to that routine, that running around and the crazy timelines in life we have to follow, deadlines to meet, in the little time to have to breath, make time for friends, do the laundry, clean up, everything. Didn't you just wish in your head silently that there is that something you just want to miss and sit at home instead, put up your feet and relax? Now trace back memory, do you remember doing it? Do you remember calling in sick when you actually just felt content sitting at home in pyjamas and enjoying that hot cup of coffee? There you go! You've done it too! Din't it just feel great? You missed out on something so you could do something else. You felt content after doing it. Now consciously make this

I'm Back! How often do you say it out in your head that life is unpredictable? Well, I recently did so too, & I think it changed me a little, in a good way. I finally got a chance to take a holiday after forever. My experience was nothing less than brilliant. New town, new country, new people, and a slightly calmer me. Life is full of surprises. You never thought you'd be doing any of this 5 months ago. Before you know it, a routine is formed. You barely have time to wake up in the morning and sip that hot cup of coffee in peace anymore. You're running on timelines and have a lot of staring at the laptop screen to do. You talk to your friends more via text than meeting them. You understand the true meaning of 'Monday Blues', weekends for you now mean craving for 'ghar ka khana' and a nice long sleep. Where are you? Living a mechanical life looks like it. That escape we would have everyday initially, of going into our little dream land whenever we