What happened when I broke down on a plane ..
It was probably at the peak of my depression, when my sessions with my therapist had already began, but it was all so overwhelming that I wanted to slow down, but I couldn't. I was catching a flight to Hyderabad, which got delayed by two hours. This didn't just make me anxious because I didn't know why, but I also suddenly started feeling alone and scared. I was travelling alone. and this was not the first time. I had travelled alone a zillion times before, never felt this though. It was probably one of the most painful and the most intense anxiety attacks I had ever had.
I couldn't breath. I had no medication until now for my anxiety. I couldn't call my mom/ bestfriend because I knew they'd panic. I sat there in a chair and managed to buy myself something to eat because I had no clue of what was happening to me. It didn't do squat to calm me down. I felt even worst because I couldn't swallow my food. So that made me panic more in fact. So I looked around me and everyone was busy in their own tiny world. Someone was busy reading a book, while someone was busy admiring their lover. I couldn't help but hold back my tears and look away, and fortunately in the direction of an old man ho exchanged a smile with me. I finally managed to catch my breath. Didn't feel like I was choking on my own tears anymore. Thank god for kind strangers I thought to myself.
I then got on to my flight, still feeling partially chocked on my tears, gave a generously fake smile to the flight attendant to who welcomed me on board the aircraft. I settled down in my seat and desperately waited for the lights to go off and the plane to finally be in the air. The minute that happened I felt a sense of belonging to the darkness and my tears started to flow with no obstruction. That's when I realised that I've never felt more alienated from the word irrespective of actually being a part of the race that co existed with me. I struggled not to make any sort of noise when I cried, but it helped to have a co passenger who had already fallen asleep next to me.
The lights came on and they began to serve food on board. I clearly looked like my world had crumbled and I couldn't stand strait anymore. The flight attendant asked me if I was OK and I nodded with confirmation without looking up. He clearly didn't agree with my response, and sat down for a minute and said "Please call me the minute you need something, I'm sure I can help"
That's when I think I managed to look up and say thank you without words actually coming out of my mouth. I felt like I had a fellow alien, as weird as it sounds, it was so oddly comforting. I managed to drink a glass of water and shut my eyes for the rest of the flight.
The next I opened my eyes, I had landed in Hyderbad, and was fortunate enough to have ironically received a text fro my friend that read that it had been long and he missed talking to me and so adorably welcomed me to his city with a hug emoticon. In reality, I think it had only been a couple of days, but It never felt more real.
Smile, because you never really know if that would give someone a reason to live for a second.
I couldn't breath. I had no medication until now for my anxiety. I couldn't call my mom/ bestfriend because I knew they'd panic. I sat there in a chair and managed to buy myself something to eat because I had no clue of what was happening to me. It didn't do squat to calm me down. I felt even worst because I couldn't swallow my food. So that made me panic more in fact. So I looked around me and everyone was busy in their own tiny world. Someone was busy reading a book, while someone was busy admiring their lover. I couldn't help but hold back my tears and look away, and fortunately in the direction of an old man ho exchanged a smile with me. I finally managed to catch my breath. Didn't feel like I was choking on my own tears anymore. Thank god for kind strangers I thought to myself.
I then got on to my flight, still feeling partially chocked on my tears, gave a generously fake smile to the flight attendant to who welcomed me on board the aircraft. I settled down in my seat and desperately waited for the lights to go off and the plane to finally be in the air. The minute that happened I felt a sense of belonging to the darkness and my tears started to flow with no obstruction. That's when I realised that I've never felt more alienated from the word irrespective of actually being a part of the race that co existed with me. I struggled not to make any sort of noise when I cried, but it helped to have a co passenger who had already fallen asleep next to me.
The lights came on and they began to serve food on board. I clearly looked like my world had crumbled and I couldn't stand strait anymore. The flight attendant asked me if I was OK and I nodded with confirmation without looking up. He clearly didn't agree with my response, and sat down for a minute and said "Please call me the minute you need something, I'm sure I can help"
That's when I think I managed to look up and say thank you without words actually coming out of my mouth. I felt like I had a fellow alien, as weird as it sounds, it was so oddly comforting. I managed to drink a glass of water and shut my eyes for the rest of the flight.
The next I opened my eyes, I had landed in Hyderbad, and was fortunate enough to have ironically received a text fro my friend that read that it had been long and he missed talking to me and so adorably welcomed me to his city with a hug emoticon. In reality, I think it had only been a couple of days, but It never felt more real.
Smile, because you never really know if that would give someone a reason to live for a second.
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