I'm sorry I couldn't do it anymore..

What happened to us? It was all so good. I found myself slowly missing that magic I could feel around you. We stopped texting as much. We stopped making efforts to go on those dates. We didn't hold hands in public anymore. We stopped staying in that hug for two whole minutes.
Why love?
I don't know what happened.

It all started to feel painful . I started to feel lonely and isolated even when you were around . I couldn't feel that magic anymore. Where did it vanish? It's not like we ever let our work take over us or anything, our magic just vanished, and that thought saddens me.

I'm sorry I had to let you go. It made me feel terrible that I used to be happier without around. I'm sorry it got so painful toward the end. I'm sorry because trying to make it work would only mean us trying to change who we were, and that would not be the person I fell in love with.
I'm sorry I fell out of love. I'm sorry I chased my dream instead of you. I'm sorry it seemed a little more important.

Seeing you happy today makes me happier. Thank you for teaching me how to be a little more kind. Thank you for teaching me how to really chase something I wanted. Thank you for teaching me how to love. Thank you for making me, me. It would have never happened without you.

When you taught me how to chase my dreams, I didn't see you in it anymore. You only got smaller and smaller and slowly faded away from that picture.
May be somehow you drove me away?

Cannot tell you how happy I am that you happened to me, but I'm sorry I couldn't do it anymore, I had to leave...



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I don't want to move to America, so what?

Image
I apologise for the silence from my end. I know it's been a while. But it's given me some times to think, and now I wonder. Does everybody judge everyone else's choices around them? I have been asked this question a billion times so far, 'Are you not going to shift to America like your brother and find a well paying job?'   NO      What is wrong with what I do now? So last evening I bumped into an old aunty who used to live in the adjoining building to us. She had only two question to ask me beyond the courteous how are you, 'What do you do apart from photography for work' I very hesitantly responded, 'That is what I do for a living, and I love my job', to which she checked me out head to toe like oh dear god, give this poor child some sense. Her second question to me was 'Your brother is of marriageable age, so when will he get married?' To which I smiled and replied, 'Why does everyone get married?' She instantly cross
Read more

Love in a South Indian household.

Image
Mind you, I missed out the word 'middle class’ in the title.  It has taken me a few years, a lot of weddings I shoot, and a very good dinner date with this amazing lady who I won’t name, to realise that we as South Indian kids have got the whole concept of love wrong.  Well, not wrong entirely, but let’s just say that the kind of normal punjabi house hold love, was only Karan Johar movies for us. I didn’t realise that was normal for them, until one day a punjabi friend told me I do not know how to love someone.  I found that very odd and strange to believe, because I for a fact was sure that I love a lot of my friends, I love my family, I love coffee too (ok it’s not a human being, but it could be!!) . So what did she really mean by it? OK yes it took me very long to hug someone and not be awkward, I have never kissed my friends on their cheeks, like all those typical Instagram photos of girlfriends. I never hugged my mom every morning for 20 years of my life.
Read more

Wedding Photography Mumbai Workshop

Image
Sephi Begerson, Christophe Viseux and Andrew Adams . A journey that began with a million thoughts of if I would be able to do it, a mysterious phone call to Sephi and sounded like a complete idiot. A mind boggling workshop conducted by them sure had a made a difference in the person I am today. First thought as I entered the place was  if I was in the right place, because everyone was older than me, very well established in their fields and so confident already, made me wonder why they were along with me. I was mentally prepared to be grilled into the session but the minute Sephi began to talk, I was taken aback and in my head I went "OH WOW!!!" I was so happy that I made it to this workshop. He spoke about everything that was actually in my head I would wonder how to tackle the issue. The highlight of the workshop was tell us who we are and what we actually love to do   to explore our shooting style  to be open to appreciation and talent.  We got one day each with
Read more