Sprinkled Words

Ever wondered how to empathise with somebody who suffered / suffers mental illness? Well, here's just a tiny whiff into their live, just for a day may be, or even a couple of hours. I'm sure you've woken up at least a couple of nights in your entire life, because you had a nightmare? or because something was disturbing you and you just couldn't fall asleep? Ever read one of those scary novels or watched a chilling scene in a scary movie and it gave you the heebie jeebies? WELL THAT'S JUST OUR LIFE. It's not about not loving ourself. It doesn't look like we lie in bed all day and want to be isolated all the time. It's not like we don't like hanging out with out friends or that we are going to cry at every other second. Lastly, it's not like we hate the world, we don't. It's just difficult, that's all. Depression is not feeling sad. It's a mental disease. You read word correctly right? So let's split it up? 'DIS - E...

Everyone asked me this one question, 'Sprinkledwords!' How and why did this happen. Well, here's my story, finally :) This journey begun a couple of years ago, where I started to feel weird about things in general. I always thought it was a phase and never really looked into it. Through my years in college, my love and curiosity towards psychology only grew. As I studied it for three years, it gave me better insights into how the human mind could possibly work, it for a fact gave me an ability to understand myself, and my condition better. As time passed, I only knew this wasn't a phase, my uncomfortableness and my pain started to become more prominent than I wanted it to be. I was scared I would lose my identity to this. Could I have a mental illness? Really me? Anxiety issues, naaaah.. I played sports for years. I like to socialise with people, this can't happen to me. But it did. I couldn't recognise myself anymore. It was all a blur. On the outside, I w...

I bet a lot of you out here reading this are the people who like to have things a little organised for them in life. Just a basic blue print if not completely calculated and kept aside. from basics like what you should do by the time you're a certain age, that job, that thing you've always wanted to do but never got on your butt to do it. If you never got inspired enough to do it, you won't do it. As simple as cleaning your wardrobe. If you don't get inspired, you just don't god dammit. It's ok. You cannot possibly force yourself into doing something so that it fits within that plan in your head. There might be times you are so caught up, you don't even open your wardrobe, but just circulate the washed clothes from the past 10 days. IT'S OK!! Don't let that drive you mad. You should've ideally finished writing your thesis by now, you didn't. IT'S FINE! You cannot push yourself to do it when you have zero inspiration to do it. You...

It was probably at the peak of my depression, when my sessions with my therapist had already began, but it was all so overwhelming that I wanted to slow down, but I couldn't. I was catching a flight to Hyderabad, which got delayed by two hours. This didn't just make me anxious because I didn't know why, but I also suddenly started feeling alone and scared. I was travelling alone. and this was not the first time. I had travelled alone a zillion times before, never felt this though. It was probably one of the most painful and the most intense anxiety attacks I had ever had. I couldn't breath. I had no medication until now for my anxiety. I couldn't call my mom/ bestfriend because I knew they'd panic. I sat there in a chair and managed to buy myself something to eat because I had no clue of what was happening to me. It didn't do squat to calm me down. I felt even worst because I couldn't swallow my food. So that made me panic more in fact. So I looked ar...